The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
