i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
