we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
