Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
