he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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