good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
