"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
