I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
