She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
