you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
