i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the liver wants what the liver wants
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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