Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
