Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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