took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
