i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
