Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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