I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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