Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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