So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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