She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
