I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
