Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
