Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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