you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
