i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
