I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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