i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
