Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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