my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
