Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
