I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And then he peed in my hair
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