at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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