I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't think brook has ever known best
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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