that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
