Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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