So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
