His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
