Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
