i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
