plz talk dirty to me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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