SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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