Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
