Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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