I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
