your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
