At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
