My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
