We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
