I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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