question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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