I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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