yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
