First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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