There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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