I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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